Posts tagged life
Posts tagged life
Little life update:
I just started my 4th Whole30 on January 1st. So far, so good. I’m realizing how much I “cheated” on my last one…but this time around, I’m feeling like it’s just going along smoothly.
I’m not posting a ton of pics or blogging too much about it, but I am tweeting my meals (oh so exciting) with the hashtag #Whole30.
Other than that, life is sort of in a limbo. We’re moving AGAIN. I’ll write about it more later, but the wonderful house we thought was so wonderful…isn’t. So, luckily it’s a rental and our lease is just about up! It’s frustrating and annoying, but we’ll find something soon (crossing fingers).
Anyway, have a good weekend!
So, I wasn’t going to do a New Year’s post (especially because, sadly, our posting on Lovely has become…uh, non-existant…), but as I was sitting there this morning, drinking coffee, listening to my nieces run around the house, I thought…you know what? Why not write up a New Year’s post?
One of my all-time favorite quotes is, “there are years that ask questions and years that answer.” 2012 was no doubt, for me, a question year.
It was a year of putting myself into situations and then having to say, “and, what now? How will I react to this? How will I grow from this?” Take for example: my father. My father and I had a good, but somewhat hesitant, relationship (hesitant, due to my holding back from past experiences), for the last, well 18 years? (Wow, when I put that in writing, that’s scary). However, in July, when we found out that he had to have emergency quadruple bypass surgery, things shifted. While everyone else was horrified that something would happen to him, I looked at it like a blessing in disguise. It was world-changing to walk into the ICU, holding my grandmother’s hand, and see my father, the man who gave birth to me, lying there. He not only survived the surgery with flying colors, but he too realized how fleeting life can be, and between us, a seismic shift occurred. I had to make a conscious decision to let the past free. I am not the 10 year old girl any longer. I am a 27 year old, strong, independent, married woman. Suddenly, my relationship with my dad changed, for the better. It was as if life threw me this ball of questions, I caught it left-handed, and decided to step up the task. Life-changing.
What else? Oh yeah, that epic skin battle. Most people, when you tell them that you struggle with acne…just don’t get it. “It’s not cancer! It’s just acne!” Yes, indeed. But, when you get to that point where you don’t want to leave the house because of the constant pain in your face….it’s debilitating. It’s not just a teenage thing. It’s an adult issue, too. I learned how to change doctors, change my diet (yay, paleo!), step up the plate, and do something about my skin. Is it perfect now? It’s getting there.
Another question thrown into our laps was that of our rental house. For those of you who remember, we moved in last February and fell head over heels for it. But, like any relationship, the cracks in the foundation (literally!) started to show though. The house just didn’t hold up to what we thought it was going to be. So, we decided, in the best interest of our health and things (hello, mold on everything! And, I do believe it contributed to my skin issues), we decided to leave. I literally had a weekend where I cried the entire time: I was breaking up with this white picket fence, gorgeous garden, wonderful kitchen, awesome commute house. So, we’re heading into another house hunt. I feel much stronger, much more aware, and ready this time.
Which brings us to 2013. A year of answers.
Writing. I miss it. While on the plane to IL, I started thinking about my childhood, and realized I was forgetting details, things were mushing together. That scared me. I want to start writing a memoir. Even though my life isn’t all that interesting. I want it for me. So, one of my goals is to just write down events in my life.
Paleo. I love it. I’ve done 3 Whole30’s (started one today! my 4th!) and I’ve come to realize that eating that way is the perfect thing for me. Eric’s on board, as much as possible, and I’m ready to just make it my lifestyle.
Faith. Sigh. I have to learn to trust. When you live through a question-year, sometimes you lose trust that things work out for a reason. If a house falls though, it’s probably for a reason, for example. I have to trust that there’s a higher power.
Which brings me to: reading more about spirituality. I’m a firm believer in spirituality, and a higher force(s)…I’m looking forward to reading more about these things.
Cooking. I’ve cooked up a storm in 2012, and I’m not slowing down anytime soon. I’ve learned to roast a chicken, make curries, bake paleo breads, and use different and new ingredients. I can’t wait to do more of this.
2013 is going to be a thoughtful, amazing, enriching year. You know how I know that? Because I want it to be. My mantra this year is something I started this summer: “I am strong, I am strong, I am strong.” Because, when you say something over and over, it eventually, in your mind, becomes true.
Believe me on this one, as a life-long fainter-from-blood-tests, I said my mantra every night before my blood test this past Fall, and you can ask my sister, when I tell you: I actually giggled throughout my entire blood being drawn—no crying or fainting!
Here’s to a strong, grain-free, silly 2013.
How do you teach on sad days?
My grandmother always tells me that this is the most important thing in life. She always says, “Treat yourself like you’d treat your future daughter. Be kind to yourself!”
This is what I’m missing in life a lot: the being kind to ME. Working on it.
(via/follow The Beauty of Words Blog)
I think that’s the hardest part of becoming an adult. Realizing you can be happy and sad at the same time.
With me on this one?
Today while taking out CDs from the library I came across a Nick Cave CD. I had never heard of Nick Cave until my ex introduced me to him. It’s weird when an ex (well, someone you’re with at the time) introduces you to music and you like it. What happens when you break up? Stop listening to it? Claim it as your own? Some of the music he introduced me to I claimed (Magnetic Fields), but Nick Cave…was his.
Anyway, the first song he gave me on a mix CD was Nick Cave’s Ship Song, and today, when I listened to it again (I do like Nick Cave’s music enough to take out the CD) I realized how the lyrics were so amazingly mirrored in our relationship and most of all: what he wanted from our relationship.
What’s interesting to me, as I was driving and thinking about this, is that Eric also began his first mix CD to me with a song somewhat about ships, but alas, with a very different meaning. He started with Gordon Lightfoot’s Go My Way (Tony Rice version).
Here’s the difference in some of the lyrics:
Nick Cave’s Ship Song snippet:
Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you come around
Come loose your dogs upon me
And let your hair hang down
You are a little mystery to me
Every time you come around
And, indeed, that was what he wanted me to do: burn all my bridges (relationships with everyone else in my world), and he always said I was so elusive and a mystery to him (if you actually know me, you know I’m not).
The song ends with:
Your face has fallen sad now
For you know the time is nigh
When I must remove your wings
And you, you must try to fly
He knew it would never last, and he wanted to be the one to “teach me” and be the remover of the wings—so I could “try to fly” on my own.
Now, Gordon Lightfoot’s Go My Way snippet:
Go my way and I’ll be good to you
Go my way and your dreams will all come true
In the sunset the wild waves are callin’
My shadow is followin’ you
Go my way and I’ll take you by the hand
Believe in me and I’ll do the best I can
I can’t be anything but just what I am
I can’t help it if I’m in love with you
Why must I sail my ship alone without a friend
My thoughts are on you
I dare not ask again
Go my way it’s the only way to go
If things aren’t workin’ out you’ll be the first to know
Come on along and together we’ll go
Please love me and say that you’ll be mine
A totally different meaning! I mean, how more romantic can you get than “believe in me and I’ll do the best I can”? And, it isn’t about “teaching” or being a mystery or, most important, burning bridges, but it’s about being a friend, and ta-da: a co-captain on the ship of life. I also love the “if things aren’t working out, you’ll be the first to know”—no mystery, no hiding. Just love.
Sometimes songs can really do a number on you, eh?
What songs have meaning to you?
“When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.”
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea
What would YOU say if someone congratulated you on your pregnancy when you were not preggo? Here’s what Ali did!
My tips on how to remain lovely while packing and moving!